Identity and Stillness

I’m back! I really must apologize for my unannounced absence. I am adamant about my belief that this blog should never be a job, so when I begin to grow thin with the time I have available to work on it, if I do not feel inspired, I refuse to force the words. But I’m back, and if you’re still around, please know that your support through this time means everything to me.

ice-crack

Breaking the ice is a mind game. (Photo credit: adstream)

Where do I begin after so long? As is with anything, after such a time of absence, a form of mental barrier is created. Breaking the ice of writing on this blog has become more than just an issue of inspiration or time, but of defeating a psychological obstacle. Imagine how you feel when trying to return to a barely–started project.

It’s not all bad, though. There are things I have discovered during my time away. For example, despite my efforts, I had come to identify with this blog. It became fuel for my ego – that I was successfully writing every day, and above all else, receiving significant traffic and praise. I don’t like that I was that way, but it was what it was.

finger print

Still stuck on my false ideas, I didn’t know who I was. How do you define such a thing as identity? (Photo credit: Cahaya Dalam Kegelapan)

As I struggled more and more each day to write, (Every single piece requires complete focus for up to several hours of time that I may not have) my ego was confronted with an issue – how was I going to keep my identity? I mention the ego, because it is the key factor in this entire equation – and it’s important to remember that one’s ego and identity aren’t really as healthy or important to one’s existence as one may think. It’s an amazing thing, how stepping back just a little changes your entire perspective – for the first time, I may have experienced what many adults seem to experience later on in life, when the vital question is finally asked – who the hell am I really? Without this blog to define me, was I becoming less meaningful/valuable as a person?

Unfortunately, I did what most people do: instead of dis-identifying with the things around me, I dove straight into them with the hopes that somehow I would feel better. By some great misconception, I had the idea that a damaged ego is a bad thing, and that it needed tending, it needed care. What’s worse, it wasn’t as though I was consciously thinking it, it was that society had ingrained that way of thinking as a truth within me. And if I think in that way, who doesn’t? We’re all so brain-washed by our own selves that we treat the ego like a broken arm. Yikes.

Stillness

Stillness. (Photo credit: david.ian.roberts)

Because of the way society is set up, particularly in the 21st century, the “real world” is literally run by the material. And with the right perspective, one would see that it is that material-based mindset that dictates far too much of our lives. And in many ways, it really is. Like I’ve written about before, there is always someone who’s more experienced, better, smarter, faster. This is a tough world we live in. But what we so easily forget is that these things that we use to fuel feelings of self-importance, these things that we use to judge others on intelligence or competence of any kind, don’t matter at all. We must remind ourselves that the truly important things in life, whatever they may be for you, are immeasurable – still, contentment, happiness, love – their importance is not diminished but forgotten in the huffing and puffing that has become life. I lost contact with one of those things, and in doing so, I learned something truly powerful:

Identity and inner-stillness cannot co-exist.

So that’s it from me today. I hope all of you enjoyed your Thanksgiving, although I’d like to add that true appreciation and thankfulness is a year-around thing.

–mrprose 🙂

Life is Like an Impossibly Big Mountain

Life is like an impossibly big mountain,

Intimidating is stature, creating one’s path,

Slanting up, slanting down,

A gigantic rock with a wrath:

 

reach…     misstep

struggle           wobble

strain                       fall

pull                               tumble

fight                                     crash

climb                                           collapse

 

Only to climb again,

Only to fall once more,

The cycle never breaking,

Feeding from the failure,

Of every hour of your waking,

 

It seems I won’t ever reach the peak,

Looking down and fearing the drop,

Never finding what I seek,

I have no time to stop,

 

My struggle is futile,

But it’s strange,

Because I can’t help but hope,

That something will change,

 

And so I climb this mountain,

Starting from the floor,

Only to climb again,

Only to fall once more,

Life Is A Bazillion Baby Steps

It’s a short one from me today–

I guess what I want to write about today is a bit of an observation that I’ve made recently due to the way my life is structured at present. It’s a comforting thought, particularly when I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed.

It is that life is built up of countless, little pieces, baby steps as we often like to call them. Every giant obstacle, challenge, difficulty, is composed simply of a bunch of smaller ones. Not nearly as big a deal as we make it to be.

Pale Pieces

A thousand pieces together is far more overwhelming than one by itself. (Photo credit: madth3)

You can break anything down into smaller chunks. If we learn to separate the pieces, or even just look at the whole thing not as one, but as many, your whole outlook on life changes. I’m slowly discovering this – there really isn’t so much that I need to worry about after all. My problems aren’t as hard to tackle. And best of all, I’m not so stressed about the mountain that I have to climb, but rather the couple of hills that won’t take so long to walk across.

The challenge, though, is that in the midst of a panicked mindset, it’s hard to discern the differences between many small problems, and one gigantic one. Believe me, I know. It all just looms over you. This is why things like these take time (I’m learning about that even as you read this). My advice is to slowwww down and take life a bit more slowly. Try to see where your mind is playing tricks on you and building up something that in reality isn’t so bad.

Anyway, more on this tomorrow, I’d love to hear your thoughts on the matter!

–mrprose