I am lost
Without direction, just a shell is left
To endure the ride of life,
I have nothing more
I cannot simply be
The pain raking my very soul
The pain you see in my eyes
It’s there, its real – I put it there
I cannot simply be
I’ve tried to run
To step aside
To feel just a moment’s peace within
But I’m stuck here,
Suffering from the lack of me
I cannot simply be
Consumed am I, for I consume
The young man was lost amidst his pride,
A disguise for the truth inside
I cannot simply be
So raw, so vivid, so real,
How am I anything when I fail to see
That to be free, to be truly Free
I must learn to simply be
At first it’s quiet,
Just a soft moan,
You tell yourself it’s nothing,
You can command your own thrown,
The quiet slowly changes,
As the peeps create a din,
The gate creaks and wobbles,
The itch enters your skin,
A cloud appears in the horizon,
You can see it from the tower you’re in,
It’s still small, it’s still far,
There is no doubt that you will win,
The cloud stretches, it expands,
With every moment, it darkens in the sky,
The shadow loom longer and longer,
And suddenly you cannot fly,
Your castle starts to crumple,
The storm above weighs you down,
But by now it’s far too late,
Your resolve begins to drown,
You’re helpless, you’re weak,
Out goes your fire,
Your empire is in ruins,
You lost to your own desire,
You choose what your outlook on life is.
I could be really thankful about not starving to death right now. I could be really jealous that I’m not world famous. Or I could just focus on the beautiful little pieces of my life that have nothing to do with anyone else but me. It depends on the angle one takes in how they choose to view their life.
Nobody else is exactly like me, and thus nobody else has my life. And boy, with a positive perspective, I truly do have a great life, a unique life. I feel intelligent, I’m exploring and discovering. We all have our strengths. So why should I (or you) feel unhappy about my life?
Because humans naturally compare with others. I want what THEY have, and I wish I had
HIS haircut, or HER smile, or THEIR popularity, or THAT PERSON’S wealth. You don’t even have to know them. Just to know what they have, and a judgement/reaction to it. I want what I can’t have.
We all do it – identify something another has, and immediately wish it was our own. We all know what jealousy and envy feel like. Frankly, it sucks. But it’s a part of being human. Yes, when it comes to blogging, sometimes I wish my blog were more like those amazing, popular blogs. Do you realize how many readers read every one of their words? How can I not want that??
In one moment, I went from loving my life, to yearning for it to be different, for it to be more. Out goes my appreciation, my thankfulness that I am who I am, much less that I’m not starving to death. Why did this happen?
It happens, because our eyes are glued on others. We target and focus on the things we wish we had. Maybe we think those things would make us happier. Maybe we think those things would make life easier. Maybe they do. But there is one thing that we have all thought, regarding these material things, a thought that is completely untrue. A thought that needs to be banished from our minds as soon as possible:
The idea that these things make our life be more. It’s such an easy misconception to make. With a better car, I would be living a richer life. With a prettier wife, I would be living a more pleasurable life. I know that some people live viewing things that way, and I’m here to tell you that you can’t be more wrong.
The quality of your life, the true essence of it, is not decided by material objects. Yes, we live in a material world, but I believe we’re here to learn about stuff that isn’t physical at all. I think you know what I’m talking about.
Quality of life isn’t based on who has the most. I know low-income families that are infinitely happier and closer as people than wealthy households. So I would say their quality of living is actually far higher. It’s the stuff you can’t buy that makes all the difference. And I know that my family has the emotional wealthiness, the spiritual richness that is completely foreign to families like the Kardashians. I believe we’re living more emotionally and spiritually rich life, simple as that.
That’s why I think we need to keep our eyes on our own feet, on our own journey, more
than anyone else’s – whether those feet have shiny Christian Louboutin shoes, sandals, or are bare all together. It’s our own progress that our attention and focus should be on, not on obsessing over others. Your life will improve if you dig deep, if you’re always asking questions and exploring, if you’re not fixating on others or comparing what you have. Shiny shoes won’t do a thing (yes I know they look nice, but will they help you grow? I thought so). I believe material pleasures should only be indulged upon for yourself, with balance. I like looking nice, but not because I want to look better than Beckham, although I wouldn’t mind that…. Argh, you get what I mean, moving on!
I guess the point of this piece is to say that I’m glad my life isn’t perfect. The obstacles I’ve had to overcome to get where I am now have taught me so much. It’s about the journey, not the destination, right?They’ve made me who I am, and to be ungrateful about my life is to forget about what a beautiful person I am. I honestly think I’m happier now than if I was a child star on some TV show. To further add to my point, I heard of many of them later becoming depressed and reckless in their lives.
I am learning to be happy with my existence, with my own journey’s progress, and no one else’s. It’s hard to do, I like to compare. I feel jealous sometimes, yes, but I’m trying to change that. At least I’m not alone in this struggle.
I’m glad my life isn’t perfect. Because I know that deep down, I’m perfect anyway, within my own imperfections.
I wrote this because even if I feel ashamed to admit it, sometimes I’m weak, and life can be really, really hard:
It’s rough, it’s interminable,
This game that we play,
No matter how hard you try,
It seems there’s no winning,
Only losing, of every kind,
Everyday is the same,
Grinding you away,
The chance to fail,
It’s a fact of life,
A part of you,
You’ll get knocked down,
But are you content to just sit around?
Don’t run from the truth of it,
Don’t hide from your life,
Hold what you have,
It’ll all pass, with a rumble and a sigh,
Never give up,
Failure isn’t forever,
Ride the storm,
Ride the storm,
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.”
Is there a worse feeling? Through guilt or whatever it be, we have all felt this, in some form. If you’re human, feelings of loneliness are unavoidable. They’re inevitable. They’re a part of life, a challenge we all have to face.
But that’s not how you have to live your life. Many, many people do, but that’s because they fear reality, the harshness of the truth. It’s rough taking on everything – we all fail sometimes. But a little courage goes a long way.
One reality we must all face is who we really are. Avoid that truth, and you’re facing loneliness of the worst kind. When everything seems to fail, if you can’t trust in yourself, if you have no confidence and aren’t comfortable in who you are, you’ve got nothing left to rely on.
Don’t live avoiding who you are. You don’t have to feel loneliness.
It’s Sunday, will another week soon to commence. My thinkings are directed towards the value of “finding your life”. That’s my way of saying how momentous it is to know who you are. If you know yourself, your life will have so much more direction.
I can’t stress enough how important it is to find your footing in life and lead it the way you want to. It’s your life after all, and despite all the pressure society places on focusing on others, you’re the most important person to yourself, and you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others.
I read a book recently that is perhaps the perfect example of this. When you don’t know where you are, and you’re doing things you don’t want to/don’t understand, life can be a confusing and hard place. Like I always say, you have to be brave and honest, and look within to see what you’re doing that’s not working. Step into the unknown, explore what hurts and what’s holding you back.
You Know Your Way Home, by Suzanne Jauchius is a book that retells the true story of a psychic woman (Jauchius herself) that is lost and unhappy. Over the course of her fascinating life, though, she discovers what really matters to her, and she sheds the things in her life that are holding her back – including five husbands.
The thing about this book that hits the chord within me is how Jauchius describes and faces her issues about being alone and misunderstood. I’m not alone in saying that I sometimes feel the same way. Being psychic, Suzanne often struggled with a lack of acceptance for who she was. Her journey is incredible from start to finish.
Not only is the story itself absolutely enthralling, but the entire book is written with inspiration. Suzanne displays immense courage in reiterating painful and private moments in her life. The struggles that she faced, we all eventually have to face. Challenges and obstacles can be overcome if don’t let fear stop you.
I highly recommend the read! You can look into it a bit more here: http://www.youknowyourwayhome.com/
I noticed with some surprise, that today is my 30th day of running this blog. It marks one entire month passing (or at least, that is if I see time as a linear thing). It’s a little scary how time can carry you through life so swiftly, but I think of all the things that have happened, that I have learned in this month of blogging, and I shake off the sadness.
It’s not always like that in the passing of life – I am genuinely heavy-hearted in the comings and goings of the things that I enjoy, but this is different for me. Without going through these experiences, I wouldn’t be where I am. Thus, I see this as a success.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been bumpy. Obstacles make us who we are, but they hurt, and it’s always easier to run. And over 16,000 words on philosophy aren’t written themselves!
Possibly the biggest obstacle of blogging, and in fact writing/art in general is ourselves. As I always say, this society supports many, many things that just aren’t working, or are somehow neglectful of nature/natural ways of living. A perfect example is that now we as humans can and often do mistake thirst for hunger, and just eat whenever we feel like doing so. People are even eating out of boredom. Boredom. Thirst and hunger are possible the two most fundamental necessities of life, and now we can’t tell which is which.
In the world of art, though, these obstacles that we create for ourselves are more along the lines of having the tendency to place expectations and pressure upon ourselves to succeed. For what? Approval and pride, both of which are not things to look for. The former because approval should never be sought after, as true approval comes from those that accept who you are no matter what you accomplish. And the former, because pride is an ego-driven feeling, which is commonly mistaken for confidence, when in fact they are very different things (confidence comes from a trust and appreciation of one’s own ability, whilst pride is a “good feeling” based off material successes like winning a trophy).
As I wrote in my post on failure, expectations can never realistically always be achieved, and the more open-minded the mind, the less one is dependent on creating and completing expectations. The problem is, though, that we often cannot gauge our true capabilities in different circumstances, and thus apply unneeded pressure upon ourselves. This is why it makes perfect sense that so many people create a blog and are simply unable to maintain it. The invisible enemy that is ourselves is at work expecting things we cannot/do not care to achieve. Later on, this can cause anxiety in not completing what was expected (even if it was you that was doing the expecting).
So live without having to always win, win, win. Despite how difficult it may be for me to accept it, sometimes there will be days that I won’t be able post on this blog. Those days may feel like blemishes or gaps in a very impressive daily blog. But what I and everyone else should understand is that those days are not those things. Breaks are things we need as people, and often we do not value enough. Those are moments that allow me to return to my best.
Anyway, thank you to everyone, and I really want to express all my gratitude to all the support that I’ve received. Let there be many great months in the future!