Morning, I’ve got a good one for all of you today.
It’s quite easy to go around living your life blaming. It doesn’t matter what or who you blame, but as long as you are always performing the act of blaming, you never have to shoulder on responsibility. Many people do just that all their life – to avoid the harshness of the real world. Like I said, it isn’t difficult to live that way at all. Taking on responsibility requires facing reality, which is something many people do not have the courage to do. It certainly isn’t always the most inviting option, particularly in times of weakness.
Live honestly. Take ownership. (Photo credit: Mick E. Talbot)
So many live seeing the world as the cause of all of their faults. People choose to view things that way, for if they look at themselves as the reason, then they are truly at fault for not living the life they wish. And although that may be the reality, it is a cruel and bitter reality indeed.
The people, places or things around one can quite easily be blamed as the reason(s) why one’s life is unsatisfactory. In fact, some have gotten so good at doing this, at skirting the responsibilities of life, that they have made this sad way of living into a game.
The Blame Game.
It’s a game we all know, occasionally play, and hate to see others play. It’s a selfish game, played with one’s intentions well and truly above all others’. It’s a game ruled by weakness.
Pointing the finger is to focus solely on others. (Photo credit: Adam Crowe)
Why do so many choose to participate in this style of living? It’s an awful way to live, firstly, but what’s worse, it’s a game no one can ever win. It is a never-ending process of pointing the finger at anything but one’s self. You can never win, because responsibility is a part of life, and without it, one does not allow themselves the chance to freely live.
Why take on the painful truths when it is so much easier to find something/someone else to put at fault? Because integrity is left behind in the quest to constantly use others to avoid pain for one’s self. Honest living becomes an impossibility when one seeks to blame others for their faults. You are not being truthful with others, nor are you being truthful with yourself.
The biggest misconception, though, if even unsaid, is that the lack of responsibility will contribute to staying happy, as reality can be a very harsh place at times. But the truth is that doing this only moves one farther away from a place of happiness by suppressing crucial components of life. By relinquishing honesty and living selfishly. The blame game is a perfect way of staying in a little bubble, and makes it impossible to stay connected with the universe, or to live with value and awareness.
It is worth it to participate in the ruthless cycle of blame?
–mrprose
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Deep Thinkings 
It’s worth it (to play) if one chooses to do so. Otherwise, why would one choose it? It’s their awareness of that choice that brings their own angst upon them. On the flip side, many have difficulty allowing others to take responsibility for themselves, and then blame them for the frustration they feel. We decide when to get off the merry-go-round, and no other.
I don’t think it’s ever worth it. I think there it’s a way to escape pain, but in reality, you poison yourself by being dishonest.
Great Post! I know this game all too well. I used to play it and learned my lesson after being in a relationship that was emotionally abusive. When I was blamed for all the abuse, lies, and betrayal, I quickly started taking a self-inventory. I looked back at all the times I blamed others for my actions. Needless to say, the pain from this relationship taught me a great lesson about me if nothing else.
And thus pain can be our greatest teacher. In many ways, relationships like those can be blessings, for they can bring you to a place of introspection. I had a similar experience to you, and it was difficult but taught me a lot as well.
It’s not worth it to play this game. Like you said in your post, it’s easy to think one can be happy this way, because nothing can ever be one’s own fault. But the reality is that a person strips away her/his own power to create happiness in life by thinking that everything is just a reaction to circumstances that other people create. It’s all about how a person frames things in thought patterns. For example, the proverbial “making lemons into lemonade.” Some things in life really do suck. But if a person blames everything on someone or something else, then one really has a much lower percentage of ever being happy. On the other hand, if someone thinks of it as a circumstance that has happened, and the responsibility lies partly with themselves and possibly partly with outside circumstances, then he or she can decide where to go from there to change what he or she doesn’t like instead of being hostage to something that someone made happen. I think that there are circumstances in peoples’ lives that truly are beyond their control, and there is nothing that will change those circumstances. But living life as if everything has been done to you instead of by you, with you, for you is just not true.
You are so correct. Part of growing and living authentically is shouldering responsibility for our actions. Thanks.
So glad you agree.
I guess we all have a choice. But if we want to build good charactor we need to take reality as it comes and accept responsibility for our own actions. But if someone just wants to get through each day with as little to think about as possible, then throwing the blame off of ourself and on to whoever will catch it is easy. I am trying to evaluate myself as I read and answer this and my mind is so in a million directions lately. But I think that I do both according to what my “mood” is at the time. But of course, I think that blaming others for what they are responsible for is important as well. A lot of people take on their blame and the blame that belongs to others, I think that may be more damaging.
You do make a great point, but the piece was designed more to focus on the importance of ownership and self-awareness.
Excellent post!! This is such a real and raw topic! and something I personally see from so many people on a daily basis. It is a known fact that pointing a finger at another, making them the one responsible for your personal problems and grief, is much easier than owning your shit, standing up, and taking responsibility yourself. I would be lying if I said I have never done this. So, yes, even I have had my share of situations in which I played the blame game, and after years of learning through many up’s and down’s, I can say that I’m not a blame game player anymore… and it feels so great! I have struggled with addiction for many years. It is something that I did not wish or choose upon myself, but whatever the reason, this has been my life battle. I finally have, either upon hitting rock bottom, having had enough, growing up enough, or just sick and tired of being sick and tired, gotten to the best place I have ever been in my entire life! Reading this post reminded me of the many years of struggle from with in myself, and how I searched endlessly for a person or reason outside of myself to blame for my desire to use, my desire to escape reality, my coping mechinism, that which made me, not myself at all. I never found it, outside of myself that is. I swallowed my pride, stood up tall, and got brutally honest with myself…..only then did I begin to heal. I turned the finger around and pointed it at me. This piece is so great, so wise, I hope that those who read it truly understand the power we posess inside and how taking ownership for ourselves proves integrity. and Integrity is a virtue that is totally worth having!
Thank you for sharing!
~ Jen Lefever Wood
Wow, what a story. Reading this moved me – and it makes me so happy that I reminded you of your journey. Thanks so much for reading!
just to let you know that I have taken your idea of posing a question and introduced it on my blog for mondays. I mentioned your blog when possting my first question and linked it to your blog. I hope you don’t mind.
Oh, that’s totally fine. I’m hoping that you ask your own unique questions, but even that is up to you – I do not own sole right to asking questions. 🙂
it didn’t work out for me. I guess I didn’t ask the right questions I guess xx
I’d like to extend this argument to religious thought. In fact, I’d like to be bold and state that the primary use of religion is the shift of responsibility. Religion, and more particularly God, is a coping mechanism for humans. It is easier to say God was not with me in the exam than say I didn’t study hard enough or to blame bad luck rather than accepting reponsibility for not grabbing an opportunity. Similarly, we attribute good events to religion and superstition when we deserve the credit.
Oh, absolutely, you just hit upon a very profound truth there. Basically all of Western religion is intertwined with blaming and the shift of responsibility.
Hey, I just nominated you for One lovely blog and very inspiring blogger award:)
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